7 Reasons Tiger Woods Probably Needs Life Insurance

by Kyle Tuttle

Tiger Woods
Photo by Keith Allison

Life insurance, to some people, might kind of feel like digging your own grave. Who wants to spend that much time preparing for their own demise? But we're all at risk of kicking the bucket earlier than we'd probably like, so it's a good idea to be ready for whatever happens. Plus, some of us have more risk factors than others. Take Tiger Woods for example...

  1. It Looks Like He Left His Driving Skills at the Golf Course — It's a well-known story by now...Tiger apparently ran over some bushes, hit a few hedges, and plowed through a fire hydrant before finally crashing into a tree. Fortunately, he managed to walk away with minimal injuries (but over $8000 worth of damage to his Cadillac Esplanade).

    Celebrity car crashes are nothing new, usually caused by the celebs driving under the influence. Tiger, on the other hand, was "distracted". Totaling your car in an alcohol-induced haze is one thing, but to crash into a tree because you weren't looking? That's just bad driving. Of course, there was a good reason he was so distracted...

  2. His Wife Swings a Mean Golf Club — It's pretty hard to focus on your driving when you're being attacked by the mother of your children. Reports say that Elin Nordegren, Tiger's lovely wife, was swinging away at the car with one of his own golf clubs. Try keeping keep your eyes on the road when a thick aluminum stick comes crashing through your window shield.

    What's more, one of Tiger's injuries (a cut on his lip) may have occurred before the crash. Apparently this petite blond is not afraid to kick some serious butt when provoked. Tiger might want to watch his.

  3. He's at Risk of Developing STDs — Of course, his wife's rage wasn't completely unprovoked. After all, squeaky-clean Tiger's apparently been putting on another woman's green.

    Make that three women.

    Wait... make that seven women.

    Hold on. Make that eleven women. At the rate the allegations are popping up, it looks like Tiger's going the full 18 holes.

    You don't need to be a doctor to know that this kind of varied and vigorous love life increases your chances of catching something nasty. With all the action Tiger's been allegedly getting, he'd be a prime candidate for a whole host of unpleasant diseases, some potentially fatal.

  4. His Fans Love Him to Death — There's a reason why celebrities get restraining orders from stalkers: they're freaking insane. Celebrity stalkers have ranged from the creepy-but-silly to the I'm-obsessed-with-you-therefore-I-must-come-at-you-with-sharp-objects sort, and occasionally they end up killing their targets. Someone as iconic as The Greatest Golfer of Our Generation is bound to have more than a few people wanting to sleep in his skin, and that's not just in the metaphorical sense.

  5. He's In and Out of the Hospital — For an athlete in a relatively low-impact sport, Tiger has a pretty extensive hospital record. He's had arthroscopic surgery on his left knee — twice, at that — and suffered a double stress fracture on his left tibia (that's the shin bone to us non-scientific folk). Also, the golf prodigy apparently had a benign tumor removed from that same knee back in 1994.

    So either golf's a deceptively physical sport that takes its toll on your legs, or maybe Tiger's been injuring himself through a different kind of swinging. Whatever it is, all those injuries and operations can't be a good sign. Chances are he's going to end up in the emergency room again, too — possibly with a peculiar golf club-shaped dent on his forehead.

  6. He Has a Higer-Than-Average Prostate Cancer Risk — According to research, there are several risk factors to developing prostate cancer, and Tiger's got two of them. For reasons unknown, black men tend to be at higher risk of prostate cancer. Another risk factor is a history of the disease in the family, and his dad sadly passed away from the cancer back in 2006.

  7. He can Afford It — Tiger Woods is worth a whopping $900 million. That means he can easily afford insurance for an entire town, so he can definitely afford it for himself and his children.

    Then again, with that fortune his dependents should be well taken care of even without life insurance, so maybe he should save his money. Plus, if the reports are true, Tiger's going to need a little extra cash if he's really going to pull a Kobe. It looks like he'll have to buy his wife at least 11 of those $4 million rings to get out of the rough this time.

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